And so I’m back in India. My body is still tired, getting over the jetlag and telling me to take it easy, but my heart… my heart is pounding with love and gratitude. I don’t know why, but that’s what this mad, chaotic country does to me. It’s magic. Just magic.
I had been feeling anxious for the last few weeks. Rushing around, getting things ready, packing, saying goodbyes... and letting my mind go wild. Thinking too much. It’s like I’m two different people living two different lives. Europe is the logical me, the one who wants to unpack, settle down, have a feeling of stability. The one who tries to control things, who needs schedules and plans. India is the me who wants to run free, explore, lose all fears and let go. The wild and untamed one. They’re both there, they’re both strong and it’s hard to keep both of them happy. And pretty much impossible to give both of them what they want. Or I just haven’t found the way. Yet.
‘Stop thinking so much, chill, you’re in India,’ a friend wrote on chat a few hours after I landed. And so I did. I went for a walk, had a super spicy vegetable biryani and just kept breathing it all in. Today I was woken up by loud mooing of a cow and chanting of a young girl. This cleared all the confusion as to where was in seconds. And even though I’m in a completely new place, feeling a bit lost as I don’t know my way yet, even though I am all alone and don’t know anybody here, there’s this feeling of peace and bliss inside I rarely experience anywhere else in the world.
So, yes, I’m back in India. Back to mad road traffic, noise, smell of incents, vivid colours, spices, cows, malas, chai, elephants, tuk-tuks, masala dosas, open hearts, rawness. Back to no makeup or nail polish. Back to simple, unhurried life.
Let India chapter 4 be written. A new beginning, a new journey. A new, overwhelming feeling of gratitude.